Saturday, May 14, 2011

The truth is...

I have decided to use this blog to share more than just my photography, I want to share the things that make my heart full and put a smile on my face. I have recently come to realize how much I have deprived myself of feeling joy and just being happy.

I am trying to pull myself out of this slump I am in. I cannot explain the sadness that is in my heart or my need to share it with the world. I’m 32 years old and I’m burnt out. I’m tired, frustrated and defeated. I have spent too much time trying to prove my worth to people that don’t care and will never appreciate me. I have deprived my family of the best of me and only given them the tattered and frayed pieces that are left after everyone else has taken what they want and left me feeling worthless and defeated.

I really am not a very spiritual person, but the truth is, I want to believe there is more than this. I want to believe it so I can teach my children that if they work hard and treat others with respect than they will be successful and rewarded. I want to teach them that everyone deserves kindness and that if they give their best to others they will lead a fulfilled life.
You see I always had the idea that it was better not to recognize the good in anything because if I acknowlege anything good it will bring me bad luck. Some would argue this is a perfect case of the law of attraction. If you don't recognize the good in life than you are attracting only the bad. I wasn't familiar with how theory on the law of attraction, but what I did know was that I was miserable and losing faith in everything around me. I was not only letting the rest of the world beat me up and fill me with guilt and fear, I was doing it to myself 24 hours a day. The thing with negativity is the worse you feel and the more you complain the harder it is to see anything good. No magic force here, just plain fact. If your grumpy all the time people don't want to be around you and that creates lonliness which creates sadness and well you get the picture....

To say I was grumpy was an understatement. I couldn't stand myself.....I didn't want to experience joy or happiness. I recently found myself in a very dark place but thankfully I had a moment of clarity and recognized what was happening and the road I was heading down very quickly. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and set out to make myself happy or at least see if it was something that was possible.

Do you know what I found? A WHOLE GREAT BIG WORLD full of people just like me. I found resources and inspiration in a million different places. I want to share these resources with others. I want to show other people that it's ok to happy and be thankful for all of the good in our lives. Sharing makes my heart happy! Do you see how this works, I share good things with you and it makes me feel good. So, here is my first attempt at sharing happiness.

I decided to read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and have since become a changed person. Now before you think I have lost my mind; pick up the book and read it. Remember, I'm a skeptic and a cynic by nature. Even though I was skeptical when I began the book and still have a hard time articulating my feelings on the subject, I recognize this book as one of the most important I have ever read. Weather you believe in magnetic forces or not, at the end of the day nobody can deny the feeling of kindness and compassion no matter if you are the person that is giving or receiving. If you haven't read the book just read it, have an open mind and see the good and I promise you won't regret it. If you are a little embarrassed to be seen with a "self help" book (like I was) than download it to your electronic reading device....your Kindle, iPad, Blackberry....even your computer. If you don't know anything about electronic reading devices....send me an email I would be happy to tell you how incredibly cool they are! My iPod touch with the Kindle app. makes me so happy!

I also think having some blog followers would make me happy as well! If you have read this far down, first of all thank you, thank you, thank you! Second, do me a favor and become a fan by submitting your email address above. I promise I won't spam you. After you have done that leave me a comment below on May 25th (my 9th Wedding Anniversary) I will randomly select one person to receive a $25 Amazon GC. You can use it to buy a copy of The Secret, or anything else that makes you happy!

Wednesday May 25, 2011
Today is the day to select someone to receive the $25 Amazon GC. When I was getting ready to do the drawing very few  people had commented. I should have clarified that you didn't have to say beautiful things to me! All you had to do was say hi and leave your name. I definitely did not ever expect for people to write the absolutely touching comments that are below. You have all left me humbled. It is people like you that make this world barable. I hope you all decide to continue on this blogging journey with me.
























SO....the winner is #13 Thea!!! Thank you all you are the best!






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15 comments:

  1. You are an amazing photographer. Glad to hear that things are looking up for you. I read the blog (all of it!) I try to remember everyday how lucky I am to have my life, my twin boys, family & friends. Not always easy though.

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  2. Nice job Jen. This makes me step back and look at life with different eyes. Suzy

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  3. you are doing an amazing job in life Jenn great mother, wife and all around person. I love your photography, your a very talented women. Keep going strong. Life is a struggle at time but you always have a smile to brighten up anyone's day.
    ps The boys are so darn cute! Nickey :)

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  4. Jenn,
    I had no idea you were feeling that way when I was meeting with you. I can understand your feelings. I had been struggling for a long time with depression and anxiety it took alot for me to go to your house and have u take pics of my prego belly!!!

    My road to salvation has been medication. After I had Jack and after the wedding I began to get so frustrated with myself I even started hitting myself!!! The medication has helped alot but I still feel empty, I think I might try this secret book!!!

    Your boys are beautiful and your photo's are too! I wish we didn't move away so that we could be in touch more.

    You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am blessed to have had you be a part of my life!
    Best of luck to you!!!

    Lindsy Cooke
    lindsyjoyreed@yahoo.com

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  5. Jennifer..lovely woman that you've become from the little girl you were when I met you. I love seeing your posts and inspirational thoughts on FB and I love to watch the pictures of your beautiful boys growing up. You and I have shared some similar hardships honey and we just keep getting stronger. Be comfortable in your own skin because you are a beautiful woman, a loving mother, a sweet daughter, a fantastic Auntie and sister and a caring friend. You share so much of yourself through your camera lens..a God given gift. Hang in there..you will look back one day and be simply amazed at the woman that you are.
    You don't have to enter me in any amazon drawing..I just wanted you to know that you make a difference and you are loved. Your blog really touched me.
    Love,
    Nancy

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  6. Truth is u r a phenomonal woman and i
    Miss u:-( XOXO

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  7. I dont know you that well, but from the first meeting I saw a passion in you with photography-you should make that your salvation. Life is too short to only look at your glass have empty, its always half full you just have to look for it sometimes. Enjoy those boys, because before you know they are grown and gone!
    Good Luck in your new found journey...from one cynic to another ;)
    Jody Brusseau

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  8. Jennifer my dear that is a fantastic book I read it a few years ago..I've never felt like you and I'm sorry your heart was slowly breaking. I thank god for Scott and the boys for help keeping your head above water. Just remember success is not mattered by how well others see you but how well you see others!!!Love you bunches and glad your part of my world....

    stacey p

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  9. It takes a lot of courage to put up how your feeling to the world. You are amazing and a great photographer. Keep up the great blog, its awesome.

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  10. Jennifer, I think many of us go through what you have and are going through. The problem is, especially for a person who is suppossed to be strong like the man of the house or a mother, that we don't talk about it. We don't ask for help. I went through this in my own way and at the end of the day found that spirituality is my own but my feelings day to day are to be shared with my loved ones. I'm not ashamed to tell my wife I need help and of course she is more than willing to be there for me and I for her. There is so much to be grateful for in the world, it's nice to be able to enjoy it. Great job finding the blog to help you.

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  11. wow! First, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and I know you know that;-) second, I am so proud of your attitude and strength, anyone with the ability or desire to learn and grow is truly blessed. I have the book, but haven't finished it. You need to also read Joyce Meyer~ Battlefield of the Mind. And last, my oldest and very best friend, I cannot wait to sit and drink wine with you while we discuss "life"!!! I love you soooooo much! You are an amazing woman!!

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  12. Jenn,
    Reading your blog was like listening to my own thoughts about 6 years ago. It was like you were in my head and understood all that I felt and struggles with. To finally get to a place in my life where I looked at myself and said, "The way I look at life needs to change" was the most liberating moment in my life. I only wish that it hadn't taken a horrible experience in my life to show me that path. I guess that's the way it goes. So glad that you shared your feelings, it's always nice to know that you are not alone. Stay true to yourself and do what makes you happy. And know that no matter what lies ahead of us, what you do in the here and now is what makes the difference <3

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  13. Jenn,
    I would have never known you were feeling this way you always have a happy face on and made the best out of it. You have wonderful boys and a great husband that will keep you going. Love you lots and I am so glad and blessed you are apart of my family. I love you-Heidi

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  14. Jennifer,
    I was also in a really bad place for a long 3 1/2 years starting about 7 years ago and I so wish I could redo and have the positive thinking I have now. It's so wonderful to know that every day (even at 32) we can grow and change ourselves to be what and who we want to be and live our lives better and happier if we change the way we look at the world and the way we look at ourselves.
    :) Keep smiling.

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